16 December 2010

Home

It was hot and I wore short sleeves and you wore your short skirts
Run through the forest singing songs and snapping photos
And it smells like young love and old home
I am not as I once was, lie to me if you will
Any old old lie will do

Come back home darling, come back home
Call me your own, come back home darling
Come back home, call me your own

Because everyone I love is either
leaving or dying
All we are doing is either
laughing or crying
All the time
Since you're gone now

Smells like young love and kisses with chapstick
This is a dangerous thing we do
I don't care about anything else when I'm with you
Come back home love, call me your own once more 

I heard you singing through the gaps in the flowers
Two teeth are clinging they split down the middle
I saw you dancing, then through that crevasse
And now in my head you are all that I think about.
I can almost just smell you, smell you right here, right now

Smells like the sun when it kisses your neck
Smells like your hair in the early autumn wind
Smells like your eyes and the early spring storms
Smells like your hands forming balls out of snow

Come back home love, call me your own once more. 


There's nothing wrong with being alone
It depends on how you look at it
And I swear to god I'll always love you
or I mean I'll swear to someone's god

Cause I lost my faith once in December
And again in October two-thousand and eight
And then one more time on June Twenty-Seventh
and now again, a couple of days ago

Because everyone I love is either
leaving or dying
That seems to be the reoccurring theme
Because everyone I love is either
laughing or crying
All the time

08 December 2010

distant galaxies and daydreams

Do you ever wonder what happens to thoughts we have, when we are done thinking them?
Or the words we say when we have finished saying them?
Do they just disappear?
Do you think they trail off and form clouds?
Maybe the sound waves float up through our atmosphere and right off our great big green planet
I think that they do
I think they float off the Earth
and travel throughout space for millions or trillions of light years, or what have you
and then in millions or trillions or billions of Earth years, or what have you
they will reach far away galaxies, finally
only stopping in for a moment and then fleeting onwards yet again
Perhaps some being on a planet much like ours
3.5 billion years from now will be standing in their space kitchens
cooking space dinner
and through a breeze in the window
a whisper grazes the side of their head
"i love you"
Maybe it makes their day.

Maybe the sound waves stop
and form a gigantic bubble of every thought ever had,
every word ever spoken
every love ever loved,
every clap and kick and snap and snare
and shakes of tambourines
i love you's and goodbye's
and hello's for that matter
a galaxy of everything ethereal
never-dying allways living
constantly traveling throughout time and space
literally
Perhaps this bubble in another set of a billion Earth years
becomes a planet in a glorious birth, or a bang
a planet distant light years away from here
where when it's born there will be kicks and claps and snaps and shakes of tambourines
and everyone is singing
because of all the singing we've done here, it has to go somewhere
a planet made of music and happiness and all the good things in life
and i love you's and goodbye's
and hello's for that matter
In my daydreams I often daydream of a place
millions of light years from where I am sitting at this moment
at a computer desk, in front of a screen, typing onto this machine
and I wonder
what if?

07 December 2010

i will take all my love for you
and inflate it into balloons
tie them off and set them free
attach them to a giant peach
baby peach
wait for me
until i set you free

02 December 2010

i saw my future, it was bleak.

"i saw my future, it was bleak"
said the bird with the worm in his beak
and he clipped off his wings and dove with the doves to the streets
hoping he'd land on both his feet
and knowing that they'd creak
like old basement doors afterwords
and he hoped they would break
he liked things that way
he says "at least then there's room for improvement"
and it was sad when he died, and a few people cried
but not enough to make the water level rise
he thinks "i'm a bird and i can't even fly?"
"what's the point yeah we're all gonna die?"
and not a day passes by
where this bird doesn't cry
and he thinks
"man i really wish i could die"



29 November 2010

did you not?

The sound of a sigh
like whispers from giants
and a gang of coy gallants
still kicking my ass.
Life, in a whiff all ripped from a mirror.
My life in a whiff, oxygen escapes my breath
In a sniff, the stale stench of death
And how it tastes when it trickles down your throat.
Time spent, not wasted
(maybe)
We've been keeping busy
Arranging sounds where we deem necessary
And for all my lies, she thinks I'm still very loveable.

28 November 2010

dead leaves

some days i feel
like the moon is closer than it usually is
and in the sky it's looking larger
and i wonder if it means you're closer
or if you're just looking out for me
but i'm probably just making lies
to comfort me, and shut my eyes
yes, i think i am.
when it gets warm
i hope that it's you breathing
or that i am
sharing the same air you are
where ever you are
and the leaves, off of trees
remind me of you
and the look of old keys
and the sound that they make
turning tumblers in an old lock
stuffed in a chest,
old linen and wedding dress
with the scent of a flower pressed into a page and rotted for thirty-five years
or a veil soaked in joyfully wept, delicate beautiful tears

life is a whiff of the smell of dead leaves
blown away with the wind in a delicate breeze


21 November 2010

abandon ship

all hands off deck
and all men overboard
the captain is overboard and overheard
screaming screaming
abandon ship!
cannons split through the floorboard
let's get lost together 
we have tested the buoyancy of loyalty 
you left our lungs for canteens,
you left our ankles for anchors
we thought your arms were tied behind your back
but elastic bands tied your wrists
you swim with reckless abandon

20 November 2010

dumb luck

perhaps it was
nothing more than dumb luck that i got us here
but don't be so worried
don't be so nervous
don't be so afraid
you are always waiting for something
realize
everything is breathing
but only if you're watching
everything around you
everything is breathing
if it feels like it was all worth something
at least it felt like anything
good luck to you
(with everything)

19 November 2010

"but no one's in your head,
and by the time you translate your thoughts
some essence of them may be lost or
perhaps
it is just kept
perhaps in the interesting of loving one's self.
perhaps those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning
were tokens for holding the lonely at bay.
cause if you're happy in your head,
then solitude is blessed,
and alone is okay."

- tanya davis

17 November 2010

Did you ever see the morning, oh?
Did it take you by surprise?
Did every breath fall just beneath your grasp
as you were hanging from every cloud in every sky darling?
I wondered if I'd ever feel that way again
while I'm wondering if you felt it then.
I wonder now, do you miss me too?
I used to be so excited just to sleep
because my bed always smelled so much like you
but now i hate it there, i do
I can't even lay in my bed anymore,
because it reminds me too much of sleeping next to you.
sleeping next to you
and in your state, in the cabin on the lake
in the city half a mile away from you
i'm looking past my shoulders and
hoping i might catch a glance at you
or even someone you know
thinking "that very well may do." 

13 November 2010

お早う陽

i missed you
i missed you
good morning sun
i missed you
the night was long without you, yeah
everything is
everything is
everything (is)
broken
everything is
everything is
hello sun
i missed you so
hello moon,
oh no, please
don't go.
all i'm good at is cowering 

please don't tell my friends
and don't tell my parents
that i'm still afraid of the dark
cause i'm good at nothing but cowering
where's your damn head at?
don't mind me
just out making noise
i've been
screaming
losing my voice
yeah
and i say leave you're porch light on

09 November 2010

"how i feel" - july 4th

a journal entry/previous blog post (different blog)

when you are not sure how you’re feeling
be reminded just to feel.
or not to feel a thing, i guess. if that’s how you feel.
if you feel inspired, feel it.
because you won’t feel it for a while.
and when you think you’ve felt it,
you don’t really feel a thing at all.
i haven’t felt this in forever.
but i am feeling brave.
i don’t know how to feel things,
but i know that i am feeling.
i am glad that i can feel,
and glad that i don’t feel nothing.
i feel as if i’m losing this.
i feel as if i’m losing myself.
i don’t know where i’ve been.
but now, i feel, i’ve found myself.
if you’re feeling blue, look up towards the blue sky.
nobody feels like looking up anymore.
if you’re feeling like you can’t feel a thing
then clearly you are wrong, you’re definitely feeling something.
but i get it, sometimes i feel i am feeling nothing.
and i feel like i’ve never built a thing.
but then i feel, that i have felt, and that’s okay with me.
at least that’s how i feel.
i think
happy julysomethingorother

08 November 2010

i think i saw you in my sleep, darling
yeah you were tearing up the floorboards
i think i saw you in my dreams
you were pulling out the seams
all that is good you are
all that is good you were
all that is good
ambassadors of all that is good

1808

(click - part one)

i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you
i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you
if you listen yes, i'll let you in on this
won't you listen
all we are reduced/revised
to dust
you reduced, and i revised
and you hide lies behind your eyes
and you hide lies behind your eyes
i refuse to have to spell my name
for the header on your
"to whom it may concern"
telling me you're leaving and never coming back
watch your ankles when you're
twist away from me baby girl
uncurl
but don't go too far, awfully far
and i miss the sound of stairs
and when you separate the beads
at the entrance to your room
like you're parting the sea
do you have the slightest idea?
oh no i don't
oh is that so?

07 November 2010

i'm fucking up

no sticks left to gather
but plenty to burn
a fire as big as the sky
we'll burn it up darling
and we'll burn it proudly
the sky is as red as your eyes anymore
and i can't quite figure out why
these things always passing us by
shit

i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up everything

but
if time is lost
well i'm alright with that
"i think i'm okay with it too"
i think i like you
yeah i like you back too
your eyes are as red as the sky anymore
everyone's passing me by

i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up everything

everything's broken
and everything hurts
we didn't make 500 days
maybe i missed it
but i'll never know it
and no one will notice
and everything passes me by

i'm getting pretty good at
fucking up things
i feel so stupid
and tired and wasted
my eyes are as red as the sky
everything's fucking gone wrong
and everyone's passing me by
tired of being so high
i just wish i would die

i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up everything


oh
if it does more harm than good
or oh
if it does more good than it should
keep it quiet
keep it lonely
and keep your guard up,
keep your wits about you

man i feel so stupid,
and darling you're so silly
i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up everything

26 October 2010

you

heavy boots get heavier
the trees with same rings, grin with their limbs
and then the leaves fell
like drops of rain onto your face
and the birds on the wire,
sung a song we couldn't sing
and now looking through the lens
our freedoms are much smaller
and you and i, in different directions
no goodbyes for us to fashion
and the sun hid behind the trees that day
and it was never seen again
and you were never seen again
and oh god, my god, where exactly have you been?
when i was lagging in the reins
and then you called but i didn't answer
and i never came back to you
and it was all chaos
oh this was fucking chaos
and we watched it burn together
we watched it burn
this feels like a nightmare, anymore
shifting freedoms
in dresden, he was a giant

24 October 2010

don't come back,
don't come back,
don't come back,
everything i do is sporadic and complex
when i speak i stutter staccato spurts
don't fall back,
don't fall back,
don't fall back, worm
we'll keep on pushing plod on like pistons pumping
forward motion
forward motion
your bones make a delicious soup

21 October 2010

Well, I can be lonely if she's happy- after all.

20 October 2010

davis cemetery circa 1806

dark matter collides
like molecules within our eyes
your eyes are black holes
when you're looking at me
your eyes are black holes
when you are singing
your voice is like a gunshot
your eyes are black holes
your eyes
you were never mine

picking flowers taking pictures
haunted places empty houses
i spilled my coffee in your grandparents' cabin
on the lake
you said it was alright and you took a picture
i think it may have been the last one
you had never looked so beautiful 
shouting for you to slap the sounds on your knees
i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you
i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you

when sunlight shines through spider webs
just barely bright enough
to make our skin look less sickly
and that was as good as it would ever get

migration to a town where
the trees
with same leaves
change colors every season
and in the winter there's no reason
migration to a town where
in my nightmares as a child
the trees swallowed houses
and in the winter there's no reason
to try and keep on breathing
that's as good as it gets

i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you
i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you
i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you

18 October 2010

we tell tall tales

"It's Always Going To Rain"
A solo EP with the help of some friends.

Tall Tales is the sort of solo outlet of myself and some very talented friends of mine.
Tall Tales is one part percussion, one part synthesizers, one part electric and acoustic strings, and two parts life problems.

From Northwestern Indiana/Chicago, Illinois

Coming soon.

(thanks to Elsita Mora for the artwork - Visit her blog here. )

16 October 2010

Given what you've lost are you better off?
Give what you had, has it made you mad?

14 October 2010

untitled

I can feel a hot one
ear to the ground
hoping I could hear the sounds
I need eleven bullets
start tearing through streets
and yeah you were in the front seat
I was shaking it out
you were asking if I felt alright
I never ever really do
I never feel okay
I don't ever feel alright

And I realized (right then)
that you were perfect
my teeth ripping out of my head
you took my hand and you smiled
you moved close to me and you said
"i will always care"
you played with the knot in the tail in my hair

and I was alive again


13 October 2010

i am not okay

i need a drink, yeah
i need a cigarette
or i need some water, my dear
i think i'm dying
no, i'm not gonna make it
i'm not gonna make it this year
i am not alright
i am not alright
i am not okay, i swear
i tried and i tried
and committed suicide
socially awkward and bare
nobody wondered
and nobody asked
yeah i'm sure, quite sure no one cared
i'm gonna die
i'm not gonna make it
not gonna make it i swear.
i'm gonna die
no, i'm not gonna make it
i'm not gonna make it this year.

11 October 2010

white flag

white flag, white flag
stop digging up my bones
white flag, white flag
don't dig up old bones
white flag, white flag

the tallest men tell the tallest tales
white flag, white flag
imaginary quotes from imaginary people
do you have a throat? (no) 
do you even have a soul? (i don't even know)



07 October 2010

brother bear

little brother bear
keep your chin up
i know life gets pretty hard

little brother bear
open your eyes up
yeah i know life is pretty hard sometimes but


climb up my back
like your climbing up a tree
fasten yourself on tight
i will guard you from invaders
from all the monsters in the night



25 September 2010

"I've been chasing you around
When I go up, you're down
I'm tired of fooling around
Hope you're life is better now
I already said, "I do"
I liked myself with you
but you think it's worthless for whatever reasons
All of my friends
Hope they don't leave me too
How long will it take
for you
I have been here
and you've done what you want
Call if you want to
hide when you don't
I don't care
All of your dreams
Hope they don't leave you too
And when no one else sees
I see only you
How long will it take?"
- good old war

23 September 2010

new morning

please note:
this piece was written in collaboration with a friend of mine, Zachary Lubarski, for a mutual friend of ours and for a lesson learned.

to Cassi...

20 September 2010

so we can sleep...

yeah i caught you shaking trees again
she loved to watch me raking leaves, she sang
and with a song just like a chorus
resounding in my ears
"you are alone"

the tallest man, the largest hands

well i woke up one sunday morning
and made that drive out to your house
thirty miles, far and distant
to sit with your family and you at a church
teaching faiths i had no trace of left here
in a town where all of your friends knew my name
and no one else

i got to you and caught you shaking trees
just to bring down all the leaves
you said
"well i knew you loved the fall,
i thought i'd bring it to you sooner."
and no, i had never loved you more.
no i could not ever love you more
but she don't love me anymore

west, west, west
sings the beat in my chest
east, east, east
begs the sound of my sore feet
please darling, burn me into ashes
scatter me into the ocean
but please don't bury my body in the ground
unless it means you're safe and sound
then nothing else, to me, does matter


I wish you'd stop talking or thinking like that darling
I am more resounded, I'm afraid.
I want to forever be the tallest man in your eyes, baby

16 September 2010

"Honey, where I come from we call that Psychosis."

When you look out over the Midwestern plains
Try to pretend the moon is irrelevent
or tell yourself and all of your loved ones
that the sun is setting in opposite directions
It's impossible to ignore

Spend the rest of your life praying for your enemies to parish
and sure, eventually you'll get your wish
But that doesn't make it miraculous

With all the sticks that we gathered
We hoped we'd build a home
You're just like everybody else here
Still sleeping pointlessly alone
Keep gathering sticks just to build a fire
and burn down everything you own

We delete; erase
We delete things with good intentions:
to pretend they never happened.
In the end of it, maybe I'll be wrong
but until then we will take what we can get.
With the race now lost,
we'll take what we can get.
When the race is over,
we will take what we can catch
and hold it in our grasp.
Don't you ever let her go. 

With all the sticks that we gathered,
we hoped we'd build a home.
With all the sticks that we gathered,
we hoped we'd build ourselves new homes,
or at the very least,
a tomb.


14 September 2010

the bracelet

at some point we were strong
we could have been a net
to spend the nights catching fireflies with
and i got older by the weekends
i felt older every minute
and then at least i was stronger
back then
which admittedly, is much better than
never having happened at all

and you and i like the bracelet on my wrist
that you once tied, on the day that we first met
seven months gone. not wasted, but spent
the day that we first lied together
that day that we both sighed.
the day i made you cry
the day i wanted to die
albeit not far off from every other day.

these days,
anyway

seven months our past
seven months your senior
saturday's have never been the same
i love that month and now that day
you and i like the bracelet, frayed
feeling strained
do i have the guts to cut it off yet?
i am getting closer every day
and then i can finally put away
our story to be read another day



you know
time goes by fast like rain
or like the blistering snow
good luck trying to be someone
you're stuck, trying to slow life down
you're never gonna win keeping on like that
but you keep on, keeping things like this
no you're never gonna win
you aren't ever getting in

12 September 2010

"nothing was closed at coney island"
she said if only to comfort me quietly
which i was okay with

09 September 2010

I want to build a ship
Out of songs and license plates
and the state where you came from
and sink it an ocean
or an above-ground pool filled with tears


06 September 2010

face:face ; hand:throat

her voice was like a gunshot
she sang like a militia charging into war
give me a building to burn down
give me a burned down building to furnish

board up the outside,
close off the inside

auction your weapons
and call it a year
auction your weapons
"kid you've got the fear"

this contact, without context
with friends, come contracts
cut all your losses
and cut off loose ends
cut all your sevens
cut all your tens
cut off the numbers
and calculations

board up the outside,
close off the inside
cut all your losses, cut off loose ends
if you're not listening you're better off dead
"face meets the face, and hand strains the throat
vocal chords sway like the waves on a boat"








hoarders

sweating the skin right off my skeleton
buried in the snow
outside of my show
you signal for a hit
off of my cigarette
you quit long before i met you
and started again after you left too

i can feel my palms start sweating
i can feel my heartbeat slowing

and i'm quite scared
your friends are burning all our bridges
falling asleep in the middle of nowhere
on a couch inside a basement
quiet television

she said
i wake her up
tossing and turning in my sleep
tangled in the sheets
we tangoed with our feet
i told her this before, i think

nobody can ever throw away their shit
spent the day at your cousin's house
hoarders buried in their clutter
we were buried underground together
our gravestone reads
"inseparable lovers"

i want to take you back to the beach

05 September 2010

tears and smiles and the middle of nowhere (won't you please come home?)

you're the one, i know
i need you here
oh nothing will ever be quite the same
i need you here,
but oh, i don't want to
feed you my heart
(time is so quick with us)
and i keep coming back for more
you're the one, i know you are
feed you my heart
lay it down at your feet
and i can barely breathe
and i can't even speak

03 September 2010

every gun made, every warship launched, every rocket fired; cold and not clothed

she made lemon squares every other week
and she found the Gregorian calendar inaccurate and humbly docile
we had nothing left to lose
much less anything to prove
only that our jackets look just like parachutes

i've become
someone's empty coffee mug
a broken dish that no one has the heart to throw away
because your mother used to drink from it on better days
now left in the back of a cabinet
never to be used again
gathering dust with the memories it holds

01 September 2010

yesterday's balloons, tomorrow's parachutes

 you stretched your limbs out the moment you awoke
and drowning myself in my favorite morning smoke,i was on the balcony popping yesterday's balloons
i hoped you'd wake up soon

and in mourning's breakfast's fleeting feeding
you were quietly completing
sudoku puzzles and you were not blinking

and you're so lovely when you're really thinking

the coffee bubbled and filled the air like a toxic ventilation
when we closed our eyes we were on vacation
i am still quite scared when you say you need to talk to me
the toaster popped and your lungs bellowed smog like a factory

i think that our blankets could make perfect parachutes
if we decide to take that jump into the swelling street
and splatter ourselves on the concrete
and know we are not alone



27 August 2010

sleeping speaking sheets

your hands, are small in comparison
they fit, so nicely inside of mine

your fingers, alternating between every one
they are oceans flooding the valleys
separating every bony mountain

looking back, i think i took them for granted
and i still dream about you often
i still hear you when i'm sleeping
slurred and sleepy language

i hold my hands on the sides of your face
for some reason i like how it feels
you fit perfectly in between them
and i don't know, i like it a lot

and i miss your messy curls
and rainy spring and summer days
and missing you
i miss that too

i have, a hole in my heart which used to be empty
but now you, have made residence in my soul


you are like an expensive instrument
piano keys for teeth
and then i left
and you were fast asleep,
tangled in the sheets
tangoing with our feet

and on the way home i could've sworn
it was all a dream.

(and it didn't happen to me)






25 August 2010

old bones

old bones reek like fermaldehyde
do you have a throat?
(no)
do you even have a soul? 
(i don't even know.)
stay calm
(this generation is a nervous one)
and they will tear you to shreds
leave you for dead

your god may have put the words on your tongue
but he didn't put the gun in your hand, no
nor did he put the shovel in your hand; in the ground
or did he maybe
just maybe give you false eyes to see it
bred with false eyes to believe it
born and raised, yeah?
born and raised, yeah
what did i say?
you'll only find things you don't want to see
don't dig up old bones
don't dig up old bones
you'll only find things you don't want to see
this is the last chance you get
yeah we both know we're both gonna die
we both know we're both gonna die
we both know we're both gonna die
(if i die first, don't dig up my old bones)

23 August 2010

captain quarter-note and the digital snare

"you know, time goes by fast like rain. it swallows your every sound, from whisper to icy howl. good luck trying to be someone, if you make it then you've won, you'll grow up to be someone. i can't go without you. no, I need to have you. have you met someone? have you touched the bottom? the weather is like you, third time's a charm...we all make mistakes once in a while."
- mew, "hawaii" 

sunken-ship-sea-sickness.

soft sheets
we were young, we got seasick
my street
in foreign tongues, they drooled and dripped
onto the concrete
near my bare feet

fuck this off beat
in quarter notes and sixteenths
in seven eighths, and thirteen eighth meter
made my head spin
we were young and left heart sick

we were dumb and left homesick

ain't it sweet outside?
the april air reminds me of
not being worried, and escaping shaky hands

your kisses made me calm
like you were breathing air into my lungs,
every time our lips locked.

soft sheets,
we were young , we got seasick.

no birds, no birds, no birds; no birds, no birds (no birds)

there are certain days
when i wonder if i'll ever be the same
if i'll ever feel that way again
and when
your face reminds me of the moonlight
i start to hate even being out at night
and then
there are times when the moonlight reminds me of your face
and standing in the street
walking you to your car
and i'm barely breathing
and no, i am not kidding
and then i blame you for making me hate myself
and then i can't ever be in your state without blaming myself
and no birds found their way to me
no birds found their way to me
no birds found their way to me
no birds found their way to me
no birds found their way to me
no birds found their way to me
no birds found their way
no birds found
no birds
no birds found there way to me,

nope.

17 August 2010

15 August 2010

centuries asleep, and the finally awake

it's so lovely to finally meet you
you've ran a bit late, i am afraid to say
but that's quite alright
we've got plenty of night left to unravel,
and this quiet curious wonder
to sew into blankets to sleep next to you under
waiting near the window for the approaching loud clap of thunder
or a kiss, we can keep it soft
like a fog, or a bellowing cough
in a quiet movie theater that can't be suppressed 
you told me you weren't easily impressed
that i was growing on you
perhaps it could be,
and you were growing on me
like the moss on the trees
i really like you
and i hope you like me too
and your kiss is like an early summer night
with a hundred fireworks exploding,
and just then everything is alright. 
if you let me, i'll keep holding
if only for a moment
like something force-fed,
like drugs to the dear youth
and that's as close as i can get
i'm gonna stay awake for you


06 August 2010

and all of my friends will try and say

I've been terribly slacking at my blogging these days. So I figured that I'd hop on the blogger train and start anew.

Anyway. Here's something I wrote.