did you not?

The sound of a sigh
like whispers from giants
and a gang of coy gallants
still kicking my ass.
Life, in a whiff all ripped from a mirror.
My life in a whiff, oxygen escapes my breath
In a sniff, the stale stench of death
And how it tastes when it trickles down your throat.
Time spent, not wasted
(maybe)
We've been keeping busy
Arranging sounds where we deem necessary
And for all my lies, she thinks I'm still very loveable.

dead leaves

some days i feel
like the moon is closer than it usually is
and in the sky it's looking larger
and i wonder if it means you're closer
or if you're just looking out for me
but i'm probably just making lies
to comfort me, and shut my eyes
yes, i think i am.
when it gets warm
i hope that it's you breathing
or that i am
sharing the same air you are
where ever you are
and the leaves, off of trees
remind me of you
and the look of old keys
and the sound that they make
turning tumblers in an old lock
stuffed in a chest,
old linen and wedding dress
with the scent of a flower pressed into a page and rotted for thirty-five years
or a veil soaked in joyfully wept, delicate beautiful tears

life is a whiff of the smell of dead leaves
blown away with the wind in a delicate breeze

abandon ship

all hands off deck
and all men overboard
the captain is overboard and overheard
screaming screaming
abandon ship!
cannons split through the floorboard
let's get lost together 

we have tested the buoyancy of loyalty 
you left our lungs for canteens,
you left our ankles for anchors
we thought your arms were tied behind your back
but elastic bands tied your wrists
you swim with reckless abandon

dumb luck

perhaps it was
nothing more than dumb luck that i got us here
but don't be so worried
don't be so nervous
don't be so afraid
you are always waiting for something
realize
everything is breathing
but only if you're watching
everything around you
everything is breathing
if it feels like it was all worth something
at least it felt like anything
good luck to you
(with everything)

"but no one's in your head,
and by the time you translate your thoughts
some essence of them may be lost or
perhaps
it is just kept
perhaps in the interesting of loving one's self.
perhaps those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning
were tokens for holding the lonely at bay.
cause if you're happy in your head,
then solitude is blessed,
and alone is okay."

- tanya davis

Did you ever see the morning, oh?
Did it take you by surprise?
Did every breath fall just beneath your grasp
as you were hanging from every cloud in every sky darling?
I wondered if I'd ever feel that way again
while I'm wondering if you felt it then.
I wonder now, do you miss me too?
I used to be so excited just to sleep
because my bed always smelled so much like you
but now i hate it there, i do
I can't even lay in my bed anymore,
because it reminds me too much of sleeping next to you.
sleeping next to you
and in your state, in the cabin on the lake
in the city half a mile away from you
i'm looking past my shoulders and
hoping i might catch a glance at you
or even someone you know
thinking "that very well may do." 

お早う陽

i missed you
i missed you
good morning sun
i missed you
the night was long without you, yeah
everything is
everything is
everything (is)
broken
everything is
everything is
hello sun
i missed you so
hello moon,
oh no, please
don't go.
all i'm good at is cowering 

please don't tell my friends
and don't tell my parents
that i'm still afraid of the dark
cause i'm good at nothing but cowering
where's your damn head at?
don't mind me
just out making noise
i've been
screaming
losing my voice
yeah
and i say leave you're porch light on

"how i feel" - july 4th

a journal entry/previous blog post (different blog)

when you are not sure how you’re feeling
be reminded just to feel.
or not to feel a thing, i guess. if that’s how you feel.
if you feel inspired, feel it.
because you won’t feel it for a while.
and when you think you’ve felt it,
you don’t really feel a thing at all.
i haven’t felt this in forever.
but i am feeling brave.
i don’t know how to feel things,
but i know that i am feeling.
i am glad that i can feel,
and glad that i don’t feel nothing.
i feel as if i’m losing this.
i feel as if i’m losing myself.
i don’t know where i’ve been.
but now, i feel, i’ve found myself.
if you’re feeling blue, look up towards the blue sky.
nobody feels like looking up anymore.
if you’re feeling like you can’t feel a thing
then clearly you are wrong, you’re definitely feeling something.
but i get it, sometimes i feel i am feeling nothing.
and i feel like i’ve never built a thing.
but then i feel, that i have felt, and that’s okay with me.
at least that’s how i feel.
i think
happy julysomethingorother

i think i saw you in my sleep, darling
yeah you were tearing up the floorboards
i think i saw you in my dreams
you were pulling out the seams
all that is good you are
all that is good you were
all that is good
ambassadors of all that is good

1808

(click - part one)

i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you
i slept on the floor so i could sleep close to you
if you listen yes, i'll let you in on this
won't you listen
all we are reduced/revised
to dust
you reduced, and i revised
and you hide lies behind your eyes
and you hide lies behind your eyes
i refuse to have to spell my name
for the header on your
"to whom it may concern"
telling me you're leaving and never coming back
watch your ankles when you're
twist away from me baby girl
uncurl
but don't go too far, awfully far
and i miss the sound of stairs
and when you separate the beads
at the entrance to your room
like you're parting the sea
do you have the slightest idea?
oh no i don't
oh is that so?

i'm fucking up

no sticks left to gather
but plenty to burn
a fire as big as the sky
we'll burn it up darling
and we'll burn it proudly
the sky is as red as your eyes anymore
and i can't quite figure out why
these things always passing us by
shit

i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up everything

but
if time is lost
well i'm alright with that
"i think i'm okay with it too"
i think i like you
yeah i like you back too
your eyes are as red as the sky anymore
everyone's passing me by

i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up everything

everything's broken
and everything hurts
we didn't make 500 days
maybe i missed it
but i'll never know it
and no one will notice
and everything passes me by

i'm getting pretty good at
fucking up things
i feel so stupid
and tired and wasted
my eyes are as red as the sky
everything's fucking gone wrong
and everyone's passing me by
tired of being so high
i just wish i would die

i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up everything

oh
if it does more harm than good
or oh
if it does more good than it should
keep it quiet
keep it lonely
and keep your guard up,
keep your wits about you

man i feel so stupid,
and darling you're so silly
i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up
i'm fucking up everything